just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This baby is an asshole
This is my gift to your gina
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
