yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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