Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
