I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my shit smells like andre
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
