dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
