if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
