I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
