this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
