i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
cat food counts as protein by the way
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
