I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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