:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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