Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
