I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
