i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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