butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
4 words: hood of his car
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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