dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
