i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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