I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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