I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
