I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
