his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
