How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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