You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
