Is it because I queefed?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
