a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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