I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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