Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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