the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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