Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
