remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
