new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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