Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
