Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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