Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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