hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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