It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
two words: eviction party
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
