Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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