I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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