so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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