ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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