Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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