WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
