I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
