Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
