Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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