Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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