Your dad touched me again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
