I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
