my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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