i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
