Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
