with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
