What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
