Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
