I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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