do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
3 2 1 whiskey
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
