i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
