I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
