Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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