do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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