She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
