Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
