I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
