the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did you just see the Batmobile???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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