apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
