so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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