He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
